| Age | Understanding of Death | Possible Reactions |
|---|---|---|
| 3–6 | Death is perceived as temporary and reversible. It may be experienced as abandonment due to the child’s own actions. | Guilt, regression, sadness, violent behavior, anxiety, fear, sleep/eating disorders |
| 7–11 | The permanence of death is understood. Death is experienced as a threat to the child themselves. | Phobias and anxiety, regression, sleep/eating disorders, problems at school, defiant behavior |
| 12–18 | Full understanding of abstract concepts and the finality of death. | Difficulty expressing emotions, social withdrawal, sadness, depression, anger, aggression, extreme behavior, learning difficulties |
When children face the pain of loss or illness, they need to express their thoughts, questions, and feelings, and feel that their loved ones understand and support them. Every child is unique and has specific needs—some are able to talk about their feelings, while others express grief through behavior or play.
Providing support that is appropriate and tailored to the individual child facilitates the normal grieving process and promotes their development and adaptation to future challenges.
How can I manage grief in the classroom?
As an educator, you play a crucial role in creating a supportive environment that helps students navigate loss. Below are practical strategies to offer ongoing support while also taking care of yourself:
Inform the class about the loss:
Ask the student and their family how they would like the school to handle the situation. Respect their wishes. If they agree, communicate the loss to the class calmly and empathetically.
Discuss the loss in class:
Preferably, talk about the loss in small groups to provide individualized attention and answer questions appropriately.
Encourage peer support:
Facilitate positive interactions among classmates to reduce isolation.
Participation in rituals:
Attendance at funerals or memorial events should be a personal choice. Students should be adequately informed about what to expect.
Pay special attention:
Observe students closely who had a strong connection with the deceased, such as friends, classmates, or individuals with similar experiences or prior losses.
Provide resources:
Share information about mental health professionals, school psychologists, and community programs that can offer additional support.
Offer ongoing support:
Grief is a long-term process. Check in regularly with the student, especially around milestones such as anniversaries or holidays that may trigger strong emotions.
Create a safe environment:
A supportive classroom is crucial. Acknowledge the loss with privacy and compassion, using statements like: “I’m sorry for your loss. Please let me know if you need anything.”
Avoid statements such as:
- “They are in a better place now.”
- “At least they lived a long life.”
Also, avoid euphemisms like “passed away,” “went to heaven,” or “went on a journey,” as these can confuse children. Use clear and realistic language.
Check your expectations:
Grief is personal and non-linear. Do not expect students to “move on” on a specific timeline. Allow them to process grief at their own pace and avoid pressuring them to participate in activities or talk before they are ready.
Be flexible:
Grief affects each student differently. Consider accommodations such as:
- Extended deadlines
- Modified assignments
- Breaks during the day to process emotions
Communicate honestly:
Maintain open communication with the student and their family. Ensure they know they can approach you for support.
Monitor changes:
Watch for signs of prolonged distress in the grieving student or their classmates, such as:
- Decline in academic performance
- Withdrawal from social interactions
- Persistent sadness or anger
Summary of Strategies
- AVOID SILENCE: Talk openly about death, including suicide.
- LISTEN AND VALIDATE: Do not impose beliefs or judge.
- PROTECT: Be sensitive to cultural differences and avoid re-traumatization.
- CONNECT: Encourage students to share feelings.
- BE A ROLE MODEL: Show that expressing feelings is acceptable; share your feelings and maintain a stable classroom environment.
- TEACH: Use clear language, avoid euphemisms, and explain that death is not “contagious.”
When should I be concerned?
Most children and adolescents experience normal grief, with moments of sadness, anger, and fear alongside participation in regular activities. However, certain behaviors may indicate complications and warrant referral to a mental health professional:
- Prolonged intense emotional reactions (sadness, anger, withdrawal) for several months
- Persistent denial of death
- Ongoing feelings of guilt or responsibility
- Constant references to memories of the deceased
- Suicidal thoughts or self-destructive behaviors
- Chronic physical symptoms without medical cause
- Significant, persistent changes in sleep or eating habits
- Alarming behavioral changes
- Progressive isolation or lack of interest in activities
- Use of alcohol or drugs
- Excessive identification with the deceased or imitation of risky behaviors
A pediatrician or family doctor can provide initial assessment and refer students to specialized professionals. Counseling from a mental health professional is also recommended.
Note: Intense grief symptoms may indicate a possible depressive disorder.
Where can I find more information?
To learn more about available educational and public health services for children and adolescents across the country, visit our Service Map website [here].