What are typical rule breaking behaviors and aggression?
It’s typical for most of us to break rules and even be aggressive towards close people around us at least some of the time. There are occasions when we break rules at home or in school even though we know that if we are caught there will be consequences. These types of rule-breaking behaviors are considered typical and are thought of as part of growing up.
When should I pay special attention to rule breaking and aggression?
While all of us may exhibit these behaviors at one point or another, concern arises when a pattern emerges, and they occur more often and more intensely. People with troubles in these areas may:
- Be more frequently irritable.
- Lose their temper easily.
- Argue with other people including adults and authority figures.
- Refuse to follow rules.
- Act in a verbally or physically aggressive manner.
- Lack remorse after problems occur.
Aggression can be present without rule-breaking behavior as well, and should always be investigated. We may become aggressive for some of the following reasons, all of which are concerning:
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Trouble regulating their emotions |
Sometimes we feel intensively and have a hard time managing our emotions before acting out on how they feel. |
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Difficulties managing their frustration |
When we have a hard time dealing with our feeling of frustration, it can lead to intense angry feelings. |
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Impulsivity |
Some of us may show signs of higher impulsivity levels when we frequently act out on their emotions. |
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Experience of some kind of stressor |
When we are going through experiences that require some level of adaptation (such as parental separation, the birth of a sibling, illness or death of loved one, moving houses or school, etc), we may have a hard time dealing with daily or challenging situations. |
What can I do if I struggle with rule-breaking and aggressive behaviors?
It can be hard and frustrating to deal with these difficulties, especially if we want things to be different. If you understand that you struggle with them, it is helpful to first understand that any behavior is a form of communication. When we break rules and we are feeling more aggressive, we may not have the skills we need to manage our feelings in a more appropriate way. We may lack the words, the impulse control, or the problem-solving skills to achieve what we want, so we resort to acting out in these ways. To better deal with that, there are a few things you may try:
- Ask a trusted adult for help. Trusted adults are usually our caregivers, other family members, or someone else who is responsible for taking care of us. Let your trusted adults know about your difficulties. They can be helpful for assisting you and helping you get any additional help you may need.
- Try to understand what is happening to you. Try paying attention to what triggers your anger and what you are feeling and thinking before you engage in rule-breaking behaviors, as well as how you feel afterwards.
- Clearly understand the consequences of any actions you decide to engage in. Most of the time when we know the consequences of our actions clearly we can make better decisions on how to act.
- Try avoiding triggers. If you have already identified what triggers your rule breaking and aggressive behaviors, try working on avoiding those triggers.
- Ask for help to practice problem solving. Sometimes we engage in aggressive behaviors because we don’t know any other way to solve problems we are going through. Try asking for help to think about different ways they could deal with their difficulties.
- Take time out. If something is intensely triggering your anger and urges to react aggressively, try withdrawing from the situation for a while, or take a time out. Being away from triggers can help us calm down and think of better ways to react.
In general, rule breaking and aggression are tricky behaviors to extinguish by ourselves and most of us need help. These behaviors are particularly challenging and it may be really hard to address them on our own. So, even if you have already tried some or most of these suggestions it may be time to seek out professional support.
Rule breaking behavior and aggression that are too frequent, intense, present in many different contexts, discrepant from those experienced by others the same age, and that negatively interfere with our daily lives, may indicate the possibility of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Conduct Disorder.
What kind of professional support can be sought out?
It is not unusual for us to feel embarrassed, inadequate, or guilty if we are struggling with rule breaking behavior and aggression. But, if you think you are facing this difficulty, support and guidance are available now.
Pediatricians or family physicians can help to address initial concerns and refer to specialized professionals. Also, whenever possible, a consultation with a mental health professional may be helpful.
The public system provides services through the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) and Centers of Multidisciplinary Assessment, Counseling, and Support (KEDASY).
Where to find more information
Specific, detailed, and clinical information on Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Conduct Disorder can be found at [clinical short guide at the program website].
If you want to know more about the closest available services for educational and public health systems for children and adolescent assistance across the country, go to our Services Mapping webpage here.
You can also find more information by pointing your phone camera at the QR code below or by clicking here.
